I Know, I Know.
“First say to yourself what you would be; then do what you have to do.” - Epictetus
I know I shouldn’t eat like this. I know I should go to the gym more often. I know I should read some of those books collecting dust on the shelf. I know. I know I go to bed too late. I know I should turn the screens off an hour before I fall asleep, and I know I’ll feel worse if I don’t. I know. I know I shouldn’t “doom scroll” before I even brush my teeth in the morning, and that I’d be better if I used that time to exercise or drink water or meditate or ground myself or whatever– I know. I know.
That’s what’s painful.
The knowledge gives my conscience the ammunition it needs to shoot me down whenever it can. “You’re scrolling when you could be reading, when you could be moving, when you could be growing. You’re incapable, incompetent, incorrigible. You’re not like them. You’re shameful.” They don’t make any steel or kevlar strong enough to block these soul-piercing rounds. So, expectedly, I end up feeling worse. Thus, doing less. I know. A vicious vicious cycle begins again.
Maybe you’re no stranger to this harsh kind of thinking. Maybe it sounds melodramatic. Regardless, here’s my point. Knowledge is useless unless it’s applicable, and when applied, it must be framed with intentional positivity.
For instance, most people today have easier access to more scientific information about nutrition, exercise, and mental health than anyone else at any point in human history. It’s literally in our pockets. Yet, at a higher rate than ever before, we are suffering and dying from diseases directly linked to poor nutrition, lack of exercise, and mental instability. So, when I say that knowledge is useless until it’s applied, I mean that all of this information means absolutely nothing unless we do something with it. And, not just something, but something positive. Knowledge can be weaponized just as readily as it can be used for good. Objective facts are neutral to our interpretations of them, so we’re free to use them to berate or encourage ourselves.
If we are to see desirable changes in our health-related habits, we must choose the latter.
Here’s how one may start.
Develop self-compassion. Before getting into any specific behaviors to incorporate or change, I’ll have to reflect– check my motivations. Because, again, simply knowing what I should do isn’t going to be enough to make me do it. And, even worse, if I’m attempting to change out of self-loathing or shame, not only will I probably not change, but I may end up even worse. Shame is punishment, not reinforcement. I can punish myself as much as I want for not sleeping enough…. it’s not going to make me sleep enough. But, if I’m more concerned with the rewards I get from proper sleep, prioritizing it won’t require much convincing.
This is why it’s important to frame change as adding healthy habits rather than ending unhealthy ones. Imagine highlighting your flaws in an attempt to develop your strengths… it just doesn’t make sense. To take it a step further, a child– your child– comes to you and says they feel worthless because they don’t like the way they look, they’re overweight, and they struggle making friends. How do you respond?
Why should it be any different with yourself?
So, first, notice the shame-centered judgment when it comes, and replace it with compassionate awareness. Then, you’ll have the freedom to take action. It will be uncomfortable, of course it will, but it’s the only way you have a chance.
